Saturday, August 7, 2010

One year

Today marks one year since I had to make the decision to save my life over my beautiful surroangels. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and that decision. I wish so much that I could change what happened..... What hurts even worse than the loss of Paz is the loss of my IM's. I have not herd ONE word from them in months and the photo they promised me of Paz I still have not received. I have for months now been felling so much guilt because I can not remember what she looks like any longer. I need to email them but I am so afraid of the possible rejection I may receive. I wish this were much easier to do.................

Today I am going to go out to San Francisco. Paz's ashes were spread into the bay. I figured that the cliff house would be the best place to go and visit her. I have wrote her a letter that I plan on throwing into the crashing waves.....

1 comment:

  1. Oh E!! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that you were no longer in contact with them.
    Try to remember that everyone deals with death, loss and hurt differently and know that it has nothing to do with you.
    As for your guilt, I'm sure you know it's unnecessary so I won't go into that. Try to remember that you never really spent much time with her outside of your womb. I bet you absolutely remember things about how she felt inside of you! The fact that she is in your memory so strongly shows that you haven't forgotten HER!
    I hope the day was peaceful for you and you find yourself able to let go of some of the grief and guilt. Nobody would wish that on you!